Archive for June, 2014

the infamous plunder jug contest

June 30, 2014

The winners got to remove their makeup. They bragged about how sweet the summer smelled without the oils and creams blocking their nostrils. I didn’t think they fit together with the rest of us anymore. They seemed a little isolated. I was more jealous of that, to be honest.


the vodyanoy papers

June 29, 2014

A mother complains to city hall about the stinging and biting insects that infest the riverbanks. The commissioner of parks patiently explains that those insects have in fact been seeded there to keep the water imp from straying too far onto land.


June 28, 2014

From the back of the squad car the therapist explained the ways in which he was able to affect the hallucinations of his patient. “Really?” said the officer, and he turned form leaning on the window and walked over to his partner. “Hey watch this.”

the obvious birdwatcher

June 27, 2014

He refused to use a duck blind or otherwise hide while birdwatching. He subscribed to some perverted form of the Heisenberg principle and thought that the behavior of a bird that didn’t know you were there watching it was somehow false, more false than if it did know you were there. Its performance for you as an observer was truer, or at least more to a purpose, than whatever dawdling it did when it was alone. Of course that was the key to all of his ethics, that truth was linked to purpose. She would steal this key away from him.

potted seeds

June 26, 2014

The diplomat looked out of the motorcade at the signs protesting his visit. They were written in his language, and were riddled with mistakes. He would have to speak to the fomenting agent. This could turn out to be an embarrassment if the home media went rogue.


June 25, 2014

Once he encountered an audio recording device he was fascinated by the sound of his own voice. Why did it sound so different when he played it back than when he spoke and heard it in his own head? He would talk into the microphone for twenty or forty minutes, or even over an hour, and then play it back to himself in search of the secret. He played recordings of himself as he lay in bed at night, until he couldn’t get to sleep without them. When he grew older he studied the acoustical engineering of the problem. His goal was to modulate the recording so that it sounded like it did in his head. He wanted others to hear his true voice.

crush patrol

June 24, 2014

Since her spiritual enlightenment was in its behavior indistinguishable from apathy, I took it as my mission to sabotage it. I decided I needed help, but I wasn’t sure where to get it.

picture of risk

June 23, 2014

The elephant drew pictures, each one of which seemed to predict an upcoming disaster in the next month. An investigator from the ministry of security was assigned to figure out what was going on. He started by assigning a new mahout, changing the elephant’s diet, and finally moving him to a new facility with a new staff to see what in his environment might be influencing his painting.

scatter warning

June 22, 2014

The milk in the bath had curdled. We scraped off the clumps of curd that stuck to our baptismal gowns, and then we braised them slightly and ate them at the confirmation party. My gown was torn as I walked up the aisle. I turned around but could not see who had done it. That awful cynic Bryant was looking at me unsmiling, but that doesn’t mean it was him.

composition of a disguise

June 21, 2014

A cattle farmer died during an attack by wrongdoers at the river ford. The only witnesses were the cowhands turned semimute by the lacerations of their tongues. A prophetess was called to seek the knowledge of the spirits, and she accused the cowhands of mutilating themselves. The judges were skeptical but ordered the cowhands to wear scaffoldings that would prevent them from traveling while the investigation deepened. The cowhands turned to working as waiters to support themselves in the meantime.